im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
