dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
