I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
