Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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