Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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