Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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