what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
