How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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