I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
