My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Still dying that you shit outside
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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