Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize