I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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