Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
