I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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