I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
