Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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