Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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