Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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