There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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