i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
