Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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