my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
