how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
