I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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