I wish my penis had an off switch
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
