I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
