woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
