Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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