wrigley field is MILF paradise
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
