Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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