i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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