Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
