Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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