i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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