So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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