The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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