just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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