spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
