Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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