I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ugly people sure do ruin things
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
