Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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