I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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