I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
