I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
