"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
