Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
