I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
