hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
