I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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