she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
