Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
