Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
