The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
