he was CRYING into my vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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