dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
