Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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