When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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