I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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