I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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