a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
