Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
