toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
