no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
