Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
