I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
