I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
