You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
